Privacy No More

There is No Such Thing

by Vonia Martin

Gone are the days when we can do something completely idiotic and be relatively sure no one saw us do it. Everything we do is caught on camera wether we know it or not. They say that the true nature of a person isn't known by the way they act when people are watching but by how they act when they think no one is watching. Any more some one is always watching via cameras and cell phones. Has this knowledge led to people being on their best behavior? You would think but not necessarily. We are a species of short term memory but as time goes by we tend to forget what is always there and start acting like no one is watching again. In general people are fairly honest and good, not wanting to harm to any one but not wanting any harm to come to themselves as well. Most people know, instinctually, that we are here to help each other. We are meant to assist those less fortunate than ourselves. Not for credit or praise or a reward but for the simple reason that it is what we are supposed to do. This assistants is not to be paid back or even acknowledged because it is what we are here to do. No reward should be given for doing for others, the reward is given when that person turns around and does the same for some one else who needs it. Once started the momentum gathers and takes on a life of its own. Just like evil begets evil so does life beget people living and giving unselfishly of themselves and their time. The more we become the example of this the more it will spread, gathering momentum spreading through out society. It takes all of us to open our eyes to the struggles of others and see where are help is needed and how to go about offering our assistance to those that can accept it. To those that can't it is up to us to find away to even help those that don't know they need it. Some people are afraid to accept help because they think it will cost them something, make sure they know it won't. 

My mission right now is to tell people about oral hygiene and how this will directly effect their health if they don't take care of their teeth and gums. I realize, short of being able to do it myself, people are going to do what ever they were taught as children. Most of us don't want to think too much about anything, least of all oral hygiene. What we do with our mouths is no ones business but our own, until you go to kiss someone. A life time of putting food, beverages, other peoples tongues and whatever other private parts they come with in our mouths you would think we would be a little more diligent at keeping it clean. It use to be that we didn't have a whole lot of choices when it came time to losing our pearly whites, if they are even white at this point. Dentures or no dentures those were the two choices we had, no wait there were partials and/or bridge(s). I'm not really sure what a bridge is but I know I don't want one but even more so I don't want to lose a tooth.
When you're as poor as I am, I'm so poor I can't even pay attention, your choices are not as plentiful. If I was to lose my teeth the only option to me would be dentures and perhaps even if I had money for implants without a bone to attach them to what would they use? A bone graph may be the only option at this point but I hear they are extremely painful and I hate pain almost as much as I hate the idea of losing my teeth.
When I was younger, luckily I was fairly cute but unfortunately all anyone wanted from me was the only thing I had, my body for sex. It allowed me to stay off the streets and kept me from selling myself on those streets. Don't get me wrong it was still a form of selling myself but to the same man every night instead of a dozen or more.
Both of my biological parents lost there teeth early on in life, my Dad lost all his before I got to meet him again when I was 21. My Momster had partials before she even gave my bother and I up for adoption when I was six. She had a major over bite and purposely had her front teeth pulled to correct this. I also have an over bite but luckily it is slight. My bottom teeth are crooked but my big front top teeth hide them for the most part. My brother died too young to really use him as a comparison but from what I remember his teeth weren't doing too well. He lived on the streets of California for the most part and wasn't able to take care of himself very well. He was a good looking guy in his youth but drugs and alcohol and a piss poor excuse for a sister, killed him. He managed to make it to an age not expected of him considering everything, he was 38 when he died. Neither of us had any children, thank god. When I met him again at nineteen it was my mission to make sure neither of us procreated bringing more foster kids into the world was unacceptable to me and since we never got married it was important not to. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and would have had a dozen or so if I had married some one with a good family. The idea of my kids going to foster care if any thing happened to me was enough to keep me from procreating. It never occurred to me to have kids to make up for something I lacked in my childhood, that would have made me the most selfish person on the planet and not a very responsible one. Granted my brother could have children out there that he wasn't aware of and may never be aware of but I take it for granted they are with their mother. The reason I didn't want my brother procreating was as not to pass down to his kids the same chemical imbalances that he inherited from our mother.
When you come from a background like ours the only responsible thing to do is not have kids so I didn't. I got pregnant, a couple of times, due to my lack of good judgement. One I miss carried the others I aborted, murdered, killed, terminated so terrified was I at the idea of being completely responsible for another human being. These are the acts of a truly selfish human being or not human just a person with no humanity for anyone other then herself. I have never actually killed anyone by my own hand but through my actions or lack there of I have killed five people; my brother, another man named Kevin and all my children accept the one that terminated itself, knowing I would if it didn't. Some one really wanted to be my kid but I couldn't allow it and now I will be alone the rest of my life just like I always wanted.
If you find yourself in foster care with very little chance of being adopted don't have a child just so you don't have to be alone. It may seem like the answer to that problem but in reality you won't make it passed 21 and your kids will end up in the system. If you are lucky enough to reach a ripe old age who's to say your kids will be around anyway? They may move out of state or get married and have their own kids leaving little time for you. There are no guarantees in life even less in love so don't look to anyone for the answers least of all an infant.
Most people that knew me when I was a kid would have bet money I would be dead by now. When asked in the 6th grade where we saw ourselves in twenty years my answer was dead. Then I was voted most likely to succeed but in my quest for death or my ability to make a difference in peoples lives. One way or another I was going to be successful and I'm still living so who's life have I made better by knowing me? Certainly, not the two Kevins in my life or any of my potential children.
No one has any idea what I have had to over come to get to this point. No one wants to know the things I have suffered to make me as empathetic as I am. The pain that is now part of who I am can't be felt by anyone else because they lack the capacity to bare it. Pain, like a drug, we build up a tolerance for it needing more every time just to feel like we are alive at all, other wise we not. Pain, like my bad habits has always been there for me, calling upon it at times to remind me that I am alive. When there is a lack of joy in your life you tend to substitute it for what ever you have on hand and for me it was pain. I had an over abundance of the stuff and still